Beranda > CATATAN HARIAN > kesalahan yang telah ku perbuat, bukanlah dosa terbesar di dunia

kesalahan yang telah ku perbuat, bukanlah dosa terbesar di dunia


phe fairy

feb

Dulu, di saat kita masih bersama, menjalani hubungan yang dinamakan entah itu persahabatan, atau apa, aku tidak tau menyebutnya dengan apa lagi hubungan yang terjalin di antara kita. dalam hubungan kita tersebut, aku pernah melakukan kesalahan. aku mengakuinya. awalnya hubungan kita baik0-baik saja, tidak ada yang berubah, setidaknya itu menurut pandangan ku sendiri. dan jelas akan berbeda menurut pandangan orang lain. orang yang ada di sekeliling aku, di sekeliling kamu, dan di sekeliling kita…

Dan entah bagaimana menurut pandangan mu sendiri?? dan berlanjut dalam menjalani hubungan kita, aku mulai merasakan perasaan itu. perasaan yang semestinya tidak pernah hadir di antara aku dan dirimu. perasaan yang kian hari, kian tumbuh berkembang. awalnya memang terasa janggal, tapi lambat laun aku mulai menyukainya. menyukai suatu kesalahanku sendiri.

tapi, terlepas dari segalanya, namanya juga perasaan, siapa yang dapat menebak,? siapa yang dapat mengendalikan? tak ada yang mampu memprediksi, kecuali kalau sudah kejadian. perasaan mengendalikan dirinya sendiri.

semula, aku merasa tak ada pengaruhnya bagi dirimu atas perubahan akan perasaan ku itu, sikapmu tidak berubah terhadapku. menolak sepertinya tidak , menerima juga tidak sama sekali. atau kamu memang tidak menyadarinya sama sekali…!!

aku memang tidak akan pernah mampu untuk mengutarakan semuanya kepadamu, dalam catatan aku masih sadar dan mengenali diriku sendiri. bukannya berarti nantinya aku akan menjadi gila dan menyampaikan segalanya padamu…!!! it is nightmore..!! tapi semuanya malah di luar yang aku fikirkan. kau malah bertambah dekat denganku. dan aku mulai merasakan kalau kau juga mulai menyayangi aku seperti aku menyayangimu. entah itu hanya perasanku saja, tapi aku merasa begitu yakin kalau kau pun sama menyayangiku. kau menunjukkan, seolah-olah aku ini hanya milikmu.

Tapi, entah apa yang terjadi, semuanya berubah dengan drastis. jauh dari apa yang aku impikan dan harapkan. kau mulai menghindar dariku. dan kau mulai bersikap dingin dan tak menginginkanku. mungkin kamu sudah mulai menyadari, betapa keterlaluannya diriku. betapa besarnya kesalahan yang kuperbuat terhadapmu. sahabatku sendiri. akan begitu sulit diterima oleh siapa pun, aku pun sulit menerimanya!!! dan karena sikapmu yang sudah mulai berubah kepadaku, sudah tidak sehangat dulu lagi, dan aku sudah merasa begitu sering dikecewakan, sehingga membuatku melontarkan sebuah janji pada diriku sendiri. janji yang akan sangat membuatku tersiksa. aku akan menghapus dirimu dari kehidupanku, meski aku tidak akan pernah melupakan sedikitpun potongan kenangan yang pernah ada di antara kita. kenangan kebersamaan kita di masa lalu.

Aku ingin lepas dari dirimu, bukan berarti aku sudah tidak menyayangi dirimu lagi. aku selalu menyayangimu. meski perhatianku nantinya telah beralih pada orang lain. aku berusaha untuk tidak merindukanmu lagi, bukan berarti juga aku tidak sayang padamu lagi. aku hanya berusaha untuk menata kembali hidupku. hidup yang telah berhasil kau porak-porandakan.

Dan kini kita memang telah benar-benar berpisah, entah pernah aku kembali terlintas di fikiranmu, entah pernah kamu merindukan hadirku di sisimu? tapi aku benar-benar telah terlepas dari dirimu. dan jika suatu saat kelak, aku diberi kesempatan, atau kita diberi kesempatan tuk bersama lagi, melanjutkan apa yg pernah terjalin dan terhenti di tengah jalan.

Aku belum berubah. aku masih menyayangimu seperti dulu. tak ada yang akn pernah berubah dari perasaanku. dan tak akan pernah berkurang sedikitpun. tapi satu yang kuyakini, atas kesalahanku, aku masih punya hak untuk dimaafkan! punya hak untuk kesempatan kedua! karena aku tau,“kesalahan yang telah ku perbuat, bukanlah dosa terbesar di dunia.”

Kategori:CATATAN HARIAN
  1. Aida Fitri
    27 Agustus 2010 pukul 5:03 pm

    ya,,,,ampun februl,,,,,,
    bagus bgt!!!!!!!!!
    saluttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

    • februldefila
      27 Agustus 2010 pukul 5:10 pm

      makacih bgt kakak,.,.,
      itu adalah sebuah ungkapan perasaan yang tidak akan pernah diungkapkan,hanya akan ada di tulisan aja kak.,.,
      aku sedih klw mengingat perasaanku tentang tulisan tsb kak.,.,
      do’a kan aku berhasil menguasai perasaanku sendiri ya kak.,.,!!!

  2. 2 September 2010 pukul 10:09 am

    mantap peb

    • februldefila
      2 September 2010 pukul 11:25 am

      thax say.,.,^.~

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